{"id":403,"date":"2020-02-04T12:53:05","date_gmt":"2020-02-04T17:53:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/josalas.com\/?page_id=403"},"modified":"2020-02-04T13:07:15","modified_gmt":"2020-02-04T18:07:15","slug":"antarctica","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/fiction\/antarctica\/","title":{"rendered":"Antarctica"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0<\/strong>By Jo<\/strong> Salas<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Cold whiteness yawning to the horizon, emptiness and silence. Deep blue shadows where the ice has buckled and broken. Sunlight uninterrupted by dark, month after month. No roads, no houses, no cars, no people; no footsteps. No sound but wind wailing, ice cracking. Seals groaning. <\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s bedroom door rattled. She grimaced and got up to lock it, the only way to keep it quiet when the cold southerly wind blew. Back on the floor, she peered at her drawing. Almost finished. Something missing in the upper corner. Maybe a face. A face with no mouth.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlue! Hey, Blue!\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire ignored Simon\u2019s voice. The face in the corner looked just right. She smudged the charcoal with her finger so that the edge of the face blended into the storm clouds in the background.<\/p>\n

\u201cHer door\u2019s locked,\u201d Simon said to someone in the hallway.<\/p>\n

\u201cLeave me alone! I just locked it to stop it rattling.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBlue, open the door.\u201d It was her mother\u2019s voice. \u201cWe\u2019re leaving in a few minutes. Don\u2019t you want to say goodbye?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire growled in her throat. She slid the drawing carefully under her bed and got up. In the hallway there was a jam of suitcases and people, her parents and Simon and the woman who was staying to look after them for a week, Penny O\u2019Neill. She\u2019d told them to call her Penny, not Miss O\u2019Neill. I hope she\u2019s nicer than Miss Postle, thought Claire. At least she\u2019s young. She doesn\u2019t have false teeth. Claire wouldn\u2019t have minded the false teeth at all if Miss Postle hadn\u2019t been so mean. She made it completely obvious that she liked Simon and disliked Claire. \u201cThere you are, dear,\u201d she said when she came home from shopping, putting a silly little coloring book on the table in front of Simon. It was far too young for him but he was pleased. She never brought little presents for Claire. Miss Postle apparently hadn\u2019t heard of the idea that you weren\u2019t supposed to have favorites. But this time Postle was sick and her parents had found this O\u2019Neill person instead.<\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s mother gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. \u201cBe a good girl, won\u2019t you, Blue.\u201d Her father squeezed the back of her neck. Claire and Simon followed them out to the car and watched them load suitcases and golf clubs into the boot.<\/p>\n

Her mother waved as the car backed out. Claire had another idea for her drawing, the snout of a car in the foreground, with headlights like eyes. She ran back inside and pulled out the drawing. Yes, interesting. She worked with concentration.<\/p>\n

After a while there was a knock. \u201cClaire?\u201d said Penny O\u2019Neill\u2019s voice. Claire opened the door. Penny was holding a tray with little triangle-shaped sandwiches on it. \u201cDo you mind if I come in? I thought you might be hungry.\u201d Claire noticed that she was in fact starving. She reached up for a brown bread sandwich with walnuts and Marmite, then remembered to be polite. \u201cDo you want some too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s have a little picnic on the floor.\u201d Penny O\u2019Neill was wearing a wide skirt with big red flowers on it. She had blue eyes and dark eyelashes and freckles. She took off her shoes and sat down cross-legged, like a kid, and spread her skirt over her knees. She wasn\u2019t wearing stockings and there were more freckles on her legs.<\/p>\n

Penny looked around the room. \u201cMy goodness, Claire, what an artist you are. You did these?\u201d Claire nodded, glancing at her drawings thumb-tacked to the wall. If Penny O\u2019Neill thought she was going to talk about them she was going to be disappointed. The new one was hidden safely under the bed.<\/p>\n

The sandwiches were lovely.<\/p>\n

\u201cClaire, can I ask you something?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire nodded cautiously.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do they call you Blue?\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have to tell her, thought Claire. And Simon can\u2019t tell her either. \u201cIt\u2019s just an idiotic nickname,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, then, I\u2019ll call you Claire. Is that all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire nodded, not showing her surprise. Definitely better than Postle.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m going to see what Simon\u2019s up to,\u201d said Penny, getting to her feet. She picked up the empty tray. \u201cWhat are you working on now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire was careful not to look toward the bed. \u201cNothing. You can\u2019t see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, sweetheart.\u201d She left, closing the door. Claire waited until she could hear Penny in the living room with Simon, then locked it again quietly and crouched down with her drawing. Penny O\u2019Neill\u2019s smell was still in the room. It was a mixture of something like lily-of-the-valley, and sweat, and a faint musky smell that had wafted from under her skirt when she sat down on the floor.<\/p>\n

Claire propped her drawing up on the windowsill and squinted at it from the other side of the room. It was finished. When she was younger she used to keep adding things, changing things, until often the picture was spoiled.<\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s mother nagged her to show her drawings to her teacher. Claire had given in, but wished she hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\u201cVery nice, Claire,\u201d Miss Aylward had said, holding the drawing in her scaly hands. It wasn\u2019t \u201cnice\u201d at all. \u201cBut what about giving the little girl some hair?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire had snatched the drawing away, not bothering to explain about the girl\u2019s awful naked head and why it had to be like that.<\/p>\n

She pinned the finished drawing to the wall beside the others, eager now to begin a new one. She wouldn\u2019t draw Penny O\u2019Neill herself, rather the things around her: her smell, the light that came from her when she smiled, her long legs folding underneath her when she sat on the floor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Penny sat in the window seat and gazed at the furthest line of blue sea that she could see, out beyond the heads of the harbor. The mountain peaks of the South Island floated whitely in the distance. Penny felt suspended as though on a swing between the end of one arc and the start of another, which would take her across that ocean to the opposite side of the world and a new life with Nick.<\/p>\n

Thursday! A jolt of longing ran through her body. They wouldn\u2019t be able to sleep together here. She hoped Nick would understand. Maybe when the children were at school\u2026Nice kids, they were, in spite of the girl\u2019s strangeness, Penny thought. At the boarding school where she\u2019d been the matron she\u2019d felt a special tenderness for the girls who were different, disliked and excluded by teachers as well as other boarders.<\/p>\n

The children were summoned to meet her when she\u2019d arrived at the Caldwells\u2019 hilltop house. The boy, Simon, eight years old, was a beautiful child, with thick blond hair and brown eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you do, Miss O\u2019Neill?\u201d he said, holding out his hand like an adult.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, Simon. You can call me Penny. That\u2019s my first name.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow do you do, Penny?\u201d he said, then pointed behind him. \u201cThis is Claire. She\u2019s ten.\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl had the same unusual coloring but not the same beauty. She stood slack-bodied, looking around her rather than at Penny.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood, well, you get to know each other while I finish getting ready,\u201d said Mrs. Caldwell. \u201cHere\u2019s a list of phone numbers and so on. Claire will tell you about getting to school and music lessons, won\u2019t you, Blue?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Mummy.\u201d Claire sounded sarcastic. \u201cI should tell you that in this house we spend a lot of time by ourselves, Miss O\u2019Neill.\u201d She disappeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlue does but I don\u2019t. She\u2019s always drawing. I like games. Want to play Snakes and Ladders? I\u2019ll probably win.\u201d Penny let Simon lead her to a card-table beside a huge window looking over the harbor.<\/p>\n

Penny watched as parents and children said goodbye, rather coolly, she thought, thinking of the lengthy hugs and kisses that her own family indulged in. Mr. Caldwell seemed irritated and impatient to be on the road. He looked the way Simon might look in thirty years if he ate and drank a lot and found the world an unsatisfactory place. Mrs. Caldwell was carefully made-up, outfitted in shades of beige. She kept fretting about whether she\u2019d remembered to pack everything. Simon climbed onto the gate and waved with both hands, yelling goodbye at the top of his voice. Claire vanished back into her room the moment her parents\u2019 car had turned out of the driveway.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Penny, let\u2019s finish the game.\u201d Simon jumped down and tugged her hand. He was winning, as he\u2019d promised. Claire didn\u2019t reappear.<\/p>\n

She knocked on Claire\u2019s door. The girl\u2019s bedroom was like an art studio\u2014equipment and supplies everywhere, an easel, pencil and charcoal drawings pinned on the walls and taped to the window. She\u2019d never seen such skillful work by a ten-year-old, nor such nightmare images. Looming icebergs, livid skies, animal skeletons, jagged mountain ridges, bald children, detached limbs. Each picture was expertly designed and brilliantly drawn.<\/p>\n

Claire shrugged when Penny complimented her. She was on the floor, evidently working on another drawing which she\u2019d pushed out of sight when Penny came in. If she was upset about her parents leaving she certainly didn\u2019t show it.<\/p>\n

They sat together on the floor, eating the sandwiches Penny had made. Claire seemed shy, almost surly. I hope I\u2019ll do all right with her, thought Penny.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ice, fathoms deep. Below it, the darkest water on the planet, where light has not reached in millions of years. Under the ice the water moves in giant waves, carrying fish with no blood. <\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

At breakfast the next morning Claire watched Penny O\u2019Neill as she brought toast and marmalade to the table and made their school lunches, chatting to them both. Claire couldn\u2019t think of a thing to say.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow old are you, Penny?\u201d said Simon, reaching for another piece of toast.<\/p>\n

\u201cSimon! That\u2019s rude!\u201d snapped Claire.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it isn\u2019t. Is it, Penny?\u201d<\/p>\n

Penny laughed. \u201cIt\u2019s OK. I\u2019m nearly 28.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut why aren\u2019t you married?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSimon!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cClaire, I don\u2019t mind. I\u2019m getting married very soon, in a couple of weeks, actually. Then we\u2019re going to live in England. That\u2019s where my fianc\u00e9\u2019s from.\u201d<\/p>\n

England! thought Claire. That\u2019s thirteen thousand miles away. Why can\u2019t she stay in New Zealand? She had already had a small thought about visiting Penny O\u2019Neill by herself sometime.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s his name?\u201d asked Simon.<\/p>\n

\u201cNick.\u201d Penny said, smiling as though the name pleased her. \u201cDr. Nick Lewis.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of a doctor is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s a scientist. A geologist.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeat-oh! Where is he?\u201d<\/p>\n

Penny wrapped the sandwiches in waxed paper. \u201cAntarctica.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire stared at her, open-mouthed. \u201cAntarctica! Your fianc\u00e9\u2019s in Antarctica<\/em>?\u201d She couldn\u2019t believe it. \u201cThat\u2019s where I always, always wanted to go.\u201d She didn\u2019t think of real people going there. It was the place she dreamed about when everything around her was just too boring or unfair. She loved to imagine herself alone in the silent vastness, not frightened but comforted.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, in fact–\u201d Penny looked at the calendar on the wall\u2014\u201cby now he\u2019s on his way to Christchurch. That\u2019s where all the Antarctic expeditions go from.\u201d \u201cI knew that,\u201d interrupted Simon. \u201cThe ship arrives on Wednesday,\u201d Penny went on, \u201cand he\u2019ll be here in Wellington on Thursday. So you\u2019ll meet him. Off you go, kids. The bus is coming in a minute.\u201d She handed them the lunches.<\/p>\n

\u201cHurry up, Blue!\u201d called Simon, bolting down the front steps.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodbye, Penny,\u201d whispered Claire. She felt Penny\u2019s arms around her.<\/p>\n

\u201cSee you after school, sweetheart.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire ran after Simon, her cheeks burning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

School was a bore, as usual. Miss Aylward blathered on about adverbs and adjectives. The other kids ignored or teased Claire. They all knew her nickname and why she had it. Miles Harrison, who thought he was so clever, had started calling her \u201cBlue Cheese\u201d which he found even more hilarious than Blue. Claire pretended not to hear him. She wondered what Penny was doing. Perhaps she was cooking something for their dinner. She might be the kind of person who would sing when she was by herself. What would it be like to be almost 28 with black curly hair and blue eyes, about to get married to Dr. Nick Someone and sail away across the sea? I\u2019m glad I\u2019m going to see her in a little while, Claire thought, surprised. She always looked forward to getting home safely to her room, to her drawing or reading, but she didn\u2019t care particularly if she saw her mother or not.<\/p>\n

When Miss Postle was there Claire hadn\u2019t wanted to go home at all, especially after the night when Postle saw the birthmark for the first time. Claire was sitting in the bathtub, her knees drawn up to her chest, but nothing could hide the huge purplish stain that spread from her neck to her shoulder and back.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, my dear lord!\u201d Postle had screamed. \u201cI\u2019ve never seen anything like it. So that\u2019s why they call you Blue.\u201d She reached out to touch it but Claire smacked her hand away. She felt a hatred so pure that she couldn\u2019t understand how Miss Postle could just stand there, why she didn\u2019t leap into the air, her feet scorched.<\/p>\n

Later, when Claire and Simon were in their pajamas having Ovaltine before bed, Miss Postle had looked up from her Woman\u2019s Weekly<\/em>. \u201cI\u2019ve always wanted to be buried in a little English graveyard,\u201d she said in a syrupy voice. Her teeth clicked on the word \u201clittle.\u201d She looked pityingly at Claire and Simon. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t know what our churches are like.\u201d Claire knew that Postle thought the whole of New Zealand was a dreadful wilderness. I hope you get your wish soon, thought Claire. I hope it\u2019s tonight.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When Claire came home from school on Thursday the house was full of cooking smells but Penny wasn\u2019t in the kitchen. Claire put down her school bag. It had only been a few days but she\u2019d got used to sitting with Penny at the table, eating a piece of cake or a date bar that Penny had made, and telling her what had happened at school. It made it easier to bear the other kids behaving like morons, knowing she\u2019d tell Penny about it and they\u2019d laugh together and Penny would roll her eyes and say \u201cWhat sillies they are!\u201d Simon always had sports after school so he wasn\u2019t around to spoil things.<\/p>\n

Claire heard Penny laughing in the living room. She ran in and stopped abruptly. Penny was sitting in the window seat on the knee of a man. Claire felt her face flush and her stomach clench. The fianc\u00e9.<\/p>\n

Penny jumped up and hugged her. \u201cClaire!\u201d She sounded extremely jolly. \u201cI didn\u2019t hear you come in. This is Nick!\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire could feel her old face on her again, ugly and stiff. \u201cHow do you do?\u201d<\/p>\n

The man stood up, pushing his hair back off his forehead. He was tall and good-looking in a dull way, Claire thought, like someone in a trousers advertisement in the newspaper. He looked pale next to Penny with her brown freckled skin. \u201cHow do you do, Claire?\u201d He leaned forward in a tiny bow.<\/p>\n

\u201cClaire, Nick can tell you all about Antarctica, if you\u2019d like. He\u2019s just been telling me some wonderful stories.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you but I must do my homework,\u201d said Claire. She saw Penny and her fianc\u00e9 flash a look at each other. She knew that look. Penny\u2019s not different after all, thought Claire with despair. She walked quickly to her room and locked the door. Claire stared at the drawing of Penny and herself which she\u2019d been working on, then crumpled it up. I\u2019ll draw them<\/em>, she decided, the happy pair. And all around them will be the things they can\u2019t see and don\u2019t think about, things that only someone like me has the guts to think about.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mount Erebus soars to a twilight-painted sky. Heat stirs inside, lazy, menacing. Translucent blue ice encloses caverns in the mountainside. In the place called Dry Valleys a screaming wind sculpts monsters out of black rock. <\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Penny had thought carefully about Nick\u2019s first meal back in civilization. Simon would gobble up anything but Claire was hard to please. And now, with this stiff-necked response to Nick\u2019s arrival\u2026<\/p>\n

Nick applauded when she brought the food to the table\u2014fresh flounder, green beans, small potatoes cooked with mint leaves. \u201cYou should see what I\u2019ve been eating at Scott Base.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI shudder to think,\u201d said Penny, making space for the salad. \u201cWhale blubber, I suppose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhale blubber!\u201d said Simon. \u201cWhat\u2019s it taste like?\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick squinted, pretending to consider. \u201cSort of a cross between chewing gum and fish, actually. Quite good for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Simon stared at him and then laughed. \u201cYou didn\u2019t really eat blubber!\u201d<\/p>\n

Penny took off her apron and sat down beside Nick. His leg grazed hers, sending a flush to her cheek. \u201cHelp yourselves, everyone.\u201d She watched Claire discreetly. The child had emerged from her locked room only after repeated summons to dinner. At the table she sat unspeaking, not looking at anyone. Simon, oblivious, fired a barrage of excited questions at Nick.<\/p>\n

Penny served ice cream and fruit. Claire cleared her throat.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcuse me, Penny. I\u2019m wondering if Dr. Lewis is going to stay the night here.\u201d Claire\u2019s face was expressionless. Was that what was upsetting her? Penny knew, without looking at him, that Nick was raising one eyebrow and suppressing a grin.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s going to sleep at his friend\u2019s house, Claire. And you can call him Nick if you want.\u201d Was there a tiny relaxation in Claire\u2019s tense face?<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go and look at the lights,\u201d said Penny after they\u2019d washed the dishes. Each night after dinner they sat together on the window seat and looked down at the dark harbor edged with twinkling lights. \u201cWe can watch the ferry go out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, thanks, Penny,\u201d said Claire politely.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Claire stayed at the kitchen table, writing a book review that she had to hand in the next day. She\u2019d hated the book, but Miss Aylward had said if she did the assignment she could write another review about any book she chose. Claire wanted to write about Little Women<\/em>. There were things she liked about each of the sisters, especially bad-tempered Amy who loved to draw. She had an idea that the author had taken one person and made her into four. That\u2019s what she was going to say in her review.<\/p>\n

The phone rang and Claire picked it up. \u201cCaldwell residence,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

There was a rushing, whispery sound at the other end.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello?\u201d she said. \u201cHello? Are you there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello?\u201d said a far-away voice. \u201cThis is Scott Base.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire couldn\u2019t say a word. Goose bumps sprang up on her arms. She was talking to someone at Scott Base. A human being in Antarctica was on the other end of the phone, his voice in her ear while all around him shone the cold, blinding light of sun reflected on ice.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, can you hear me?\u201d The rushing sound came in a rhythm like the ocean, loud, soft, loud, soft.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes! I can hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re looking for Dr. Lewis. He gave us this telephone number. I don\u2019t suppose you know how to reach him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes!\u201d gasped Claire. \u201cI can get him! He\u2019s right here in the living room!\u201d She put down the phone, then grabbed it again. \u201cCan you hold on a moment? I mean, I\u2019ll fetch him straight away!\u201d<\/p>\n

The faint voice came again. \u201cYes, I\u2019ll hold on.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Simon was looking through the binoculars. \u201cI can see people on the ferry!\u201d he crowed. \u201cOne of them\u2019s being sick over the side!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe you,\u201d said Nick. \u201cHere, give me the glasses.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire ran into the living room and stood there not speaking, a look of joy on her face that Penny had never seen.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it, Claire?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire looked from her to Nick. She was transfigured, a different child from the sullen girl at the dinner table. \u201cDr. Lewis! They want you! Someone from Scott Base wants to talk to you on the phone!\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick rose to his feet. \u201cGood girl. Where is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThere! In the kitchen! Hurry, they\u2019re waiting for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

He loped away without haste.<\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s eyes shone. \u201cI talked to Scott Base! That\u2019s almost<\/em> like being there myself!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it is, Blue,\u201d said Simon, impressed. \u201cThat\u2019s amazing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSit down,\u201d said Penny, patting the window seat beside her. \u201cTell me what he said.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t say anything, he just asked for Dr. Lewis. But I heard\u2014I heard Antarctica, <\/em>Penny! I heard the wind. That\u2019s what it sounded like. Do you realize\u2014right now our house<\/em> is connected to Antarctica!\u201d<\/p>\n

In a few minutes Nick came back to the window seat.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs everything all right?\u201d asked Penny.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, fine,\u201d answered Nick. \u201cJust some material I need to send tomorrow.\u201d He looked at Claire. \u201cSo, Claire, you\u2019re interested in the Antarctic? Would you like to see the photos I brought back?\u201d He reached into his brown leather briefcase. Claire moved closer to him.<\/p>\n

Penny watched them, relieved. Fond though she was of the child, she sensed a deep coldness that made her shrink back a little as though it could cast a chill into her own sunny life. Penny loved any child in her care with a love that was real, though not lasting. She yearned now for a different kind of child-love, for the babies who would be born to her and Nick, beautiful, spirited sons and daughters, full of smiles and affection, bright but not brilliant, confident about themselves, rather like Simon, perhaps. Certainly not like Claire. It was unimaginable that she and Nick could have a child like Claire.<\/p>\n

The phone rang during breakfast the next morning.<\/p>\n

\u201cBlue! Answer it!\u201d said Simon urgently. \u201cIt might be that man in Antarctica again.\u201d Claire picked up the receiver, her heart thumping. But it was her mother\u2019s voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cBluey!\u201d said her mother. She sounded merry and young. \u201cHow are you, dear? Is everything all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire was disappointed. \u201cHello, Mummy,\u201d she said. \u201cWe\u2019re all right. Penny\u2019s fianc\u00e9 came here yesterday. He\u2019s been in Antarctica. He\u2019s nice.\u201d \u201cTell her!\u201d <\/em>whispered Simon. But Claire didn\u2019t want to tell her mother about talking to the man at Scott Base. She would never understand why it was so exciting.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, good,\u201d said her mother. \u201cWell, we\u2019re having a super time. But I\u2019m looking forward to getting home on Sunday and seeing you two. Daddy sends his love. Bye, dear. Let me talk to Simon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sunday! Only two more days, and then Penny would leave, and she\u2019d marry Nick, and go to England, and Claire would never see her again. Penny would have her own children and she\u2019d forget all about Claire and Simon. She pictured Penny and Nick in a park in London with a big shiny pram. She saw Penny laughing in her Penny way, looking proudly down at their little baby\u2014that lucky, lucky baby, who would have Penny as a mother.<\/p>\n

All day at school Claire swung from delight to despair. I talked to Antarctica<\/em>. But then she\u2019d remember: Sunday.<\/em> She felt scooped out by desolation.<\/p>\n

When she got home Penny was waiting for her. \u201cClaire! I\u2019ve got a little surprise for you.\u201d She beckoned mysteriously. Claire followed her to her parents\u2019 room where Penny was staying. On the bed was a cream-colored blouse. Claire stared at it.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you mean\u2014it\u2019s for me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was out shopping and I saw this on sale and I thought, it\u2019s perfect for Claire, she\u2019ll look lovely in it. I found something for Simon too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s mouth felt dry. Penny would expect her to try on the blouse. It had a round embroidered yoke and more embroidery at the edges of the short sleeves.<\/p>\n

\u201cPenny\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTry it on, Claire. If it\u2019s the wrong size we can go and change it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire started to undo the buttons on her school blouse. She felt that she might cry. \u201cPenny\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, sweetheart?\u201d<\/p>\n

But Claire couldn\u2019t explain. Tears filled her eyes. She slipped her blouse off her shoulders and turned so that Penny could see her back. She waited.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, sweetheart.\u201d She felt Penny\u2019s hand softly stroking her hair. \u201cIs it a birthmark? Does it hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire covered her face with her hands. \u201cNo,\u201d she sobbed. \u201cNo, it doesn\u2019t hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

Penny turned her gently and held her. Her body felt soft and strong at the same time.<\/p>\n

After a while Claire\u2019s tears subsided and she drew away. Penny gave her a handkerchief. She looked at Penny with a watery smile. Then she put on the new blouse.<\/p>\n

Penny clapped her hands. \u201cYes! It\u2019s perfect! Look, Claire, look in the mirror.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire looked in the mirror. She saw a girl in a cream blouse, a nice-looking girl in a pretty blouse, a tall dark-haired girl smiling beside her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Above the ice, pitch-black night extinguishes a flaming sunset. Dark sky pierced by the cold light of distant universes indifferent to human existence. Deep-frozen air that human skin and eyeballs cannot endure. The <\/em>aurora australis dances unseen.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

After lunch on Sunday Simon positioned himself on the window seat with the binoculars.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s going to be a while,\u201d warned Penny, tidying up the living room. \u201cNot till at least half past three.\u201d The next place I clean up will be my own, she thought with satisfaction. Finally. \u201cSimon, would you please just take a few minutes to put these games away?\u201d<\/p>\n

Simon beamed at her and leapt down, gathering the game boards and pieces together and stacking them neatly in the shelf before returning to his post.<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, pal! Do you know where Claire is? She can help too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope,\u201d said Simon, peering down at the road through the binoculars. \u201cHaven\u2019t seen her.\u201d<\/p>\n

At lunch Claire had been very quiet. \u201cAre you feeling all right, Claire?\u201d Penny had asked. \u201cPerfectly all right, thank you,\u201d she answered. Penny smiled at her, sighing inwardly. I haven\u2019t reached her at all, she thought. Well, I tried.<\/p>\n

Nick was in the kitchen with his sleeves rolled up, mopping the floor while singing \u201cI\u2019m getting married in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I walk through?\u201d called Penny.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot on my clean floor!\u201d He lifted her up clumsily. The mop clattered to the ground. Penny struggled in his arms. \u201cPut me down, Tarzan!\u201d He carried her across the kitchen, making Tarzan noises, and kissed her hard before letting her go.<\/p>\n

Claire stood in the doorway, watching. Penny pulled away from Nick and straightened her skirt.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry. I thought you wanted me to help tidy up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, sweetheart, that would be lovely,\u201d said Penny. \u201cWould you check my room and make sure I\u2019ve left it the way it should be? All my stuff\u2019s out of there.\u201d<\/p>\n

A bleak look crossed the child\u2019s face.<\/p>\n

\u201cClaire, aren\u2019t you looking forward to seeing your mum and dad again?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo I\u2019m not!\u201d Claire spun around and headed for her parents\u2019 room. Penny and Nick looked at each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe\u2019ll be all right, Pen,\u201d said Nick. \u201cHonestly. I\u2019ll bet you anything she\u2019ll cheer up when her parents get here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI suppose she will,\u201d said Penny, unconvinced. Lying in Nick\u2019s arms when the children were safely out of the house she had talked to him about Claire. \u201cPoor little wretch,\u201d he\u2019d said. \u201cWell, you won\u2019t have to worry about her much longer.\u201d Penny didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re here!\u201d yelled Simon, rushing in from the living room. \u201cI saw the car!\u201d He ran outside. Penny piled raspberries on top of the cream cake she\u2019d made for afternoon tea and hastily rinsed berry juice off her face and hands.<\/p>\n

She knocked on Claire\u2019s door. \u201cYour mum and dad are here, Claire.\u201d The door opened. Claire was wearing the new blouse. She followed Penny without a word. In the driveway Simon darted around his parents and their luggage, telling them at top speed everything that had happened during the week.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello, Penny!\u201d said Mrs. Caldwell. \u201cHome at last! Hello, Blue, dear!\u201d Claire gave her an obedient kiss. Claire\u2019s father put down the suitcase and rumpled her hair with his big hand. \u201cHow\u2019s my girlie?\u201d he said heartily. His face was red from the sun.<\/p>\n

They sat down for afternoon tea in the living room. Penny surveyed her cake and the little asparagus sandwiches, pleased with herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverything went well?\u201d asked Mrs. Caldwell. She glanced meaningfully toward Claire, who was staring at her plate.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe had a lovely time,\u201d said Penny. \u201cThey\u2019re both wonderful children.\u201d She emphasized the \u201cboth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBlue, that\u2019s a new blouse!\u201d said her mother. \u201cHow pretty. Where did you get it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire lit up. \u201cPenny gave it to me.\u201d She looked shyly at Penny.<\/p>\n

\u201cPenny, my goodness, you shouldn\u2019t have done that. I hope you said thank you, Blue.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire\u2019s face darkened again.<\/p>\n

\u201cNick was in Antarctica, Mum and Dad,\u201d said Simon importantly. \u201cHe\u2019s a scientist. And\u2014you<\/em> tell them, Blue. You tell them about Scott Base.\u201d But Claire shook her head and slipped out of the room.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Nick took Penny\u2019s cases out to his borrowed car. Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell walked out with them, Simon running in circles like a puppy.<\/p>\n

Penny looked around for Claire. \u201cExcuse me a minute.\u201d She went back inside and stood outside Claire\u2019s room.<\/p>\n

\u201cClaire? Can we say goodbye?\u201d she called softly. There was a silence. \u201cClaire?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe door\u2019s not locked.\u201d<\/p>\n

The child was curled up on her bed. Penny sat down beside her. The pillow was damp. Claire threw herself into Penny\u2019s arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want you to go!\u201d she burst out.<\/p>\n

Penny held her closely, feeling the thin, tense body. The child\u2019s despair engulfed her and she felt she might cry herself. \u201cYou\u2019re a lovely girl, Claire. A special girl. I\u2019m glad I met you.\u201d She kissed her forehead. \u201cI\u2019ll write you a letter when we get to London.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

Penny was quiet for a minute. She looked at the drawings on the wall, a brilliant child\u2019s bleak and searing vision. No one could see those drawings and forget, even if they wanted to. \u201cYes, Claire, I will. I\u2019ll remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire slid off the bed and reached under it. She held up another drawing. \u201cHere. This is for you. I did it today. Don\u2019t show it to anyone except Nick.\u201d The picture showed a cascade of graceful bird-headed figures, one pair embracing as they danced. A large solitary eye watched over them, limpid and benign.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s our wedding!\u201d said Penny. \u201cIt\u2019s beautiful!\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire nodded. She rolled the drawing carefully inside a magazine. \u201cSo no one else will see it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAren\u2019t you going to come out and wave goodbye?\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire shook her head.<\/p>\n

\u201cGoodbye, then, Claire.\u201d<\/p>\n

Claire was silent.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Penny looked up at the big window as they drove past. A small figure sat there alone. Penny waved and Claire waved back. The car wove down the hill. The blue harbor lay before them, the jagged white Alps beyond.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0By Jo Salas \u00a0 Cold whiteness yawning to the horizon, emptiness and silence. Deep blue shadows where the ice has buckled and broken. Sunlight uninterrupted by dark, month after month. No roads, no houses, no cars, no people; no footsteps. No sound but wind wailing, ice cracking. Seals groaning.   Claire\u2019s bedroom door rattled. She […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":16,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-403","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","post-preview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/403","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=403"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/403\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":405,"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/403\/revisions\/405"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/16"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/josalas.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=403"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}